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Friday, 1 November 2013

Fate ...

They were kids when they first met in school. Young and innocent. They didn't talk immediately but suddenly, one day, he came up to her and said, "I don't know you, but you have pretty eyes."
She said nothing and simply looked away, smiling, blushing and blissfully happy.

They became friends. Over the years, their friendship grew stronger and stronger. They were bigger than any force in the world. Nothing could bring them down or apart. And as time went by, they fell in love. Such a strong, powerful love that cannot be defined and the mere touch of its beauty can take you away to a world, unknown, unheard, pure, serene, holy.

Then one beautiful day, he popped the question, "Will you marry me?" There were no words except for a loud and joy filled, almost ecstatic "YES!"

A few days before their marriage, she gets a call from the City Hospital informing her that he is in a critical condition. She held back her tears, her emotions, everything and rushed out to meet him. On reaching the hospital, everyone pointed to the ICU room with helpless emptiness in their eyes.

She entered very slowly, fearing the worst and with a million thoughts spinning through her head. She felt so nauseous she thought she would faint at that very moment. But she kept her calm, and with shaky-steady feet walked in.

He was there, lying on the bed. Motionless, as if someone had pressed the pause button as in a dreadful dream but the constant beeps of the numerous machines attached to him reminded her that all this was real.
She went closer to him, very very gently held his hand and whispered, "Please..." and almost broke into tears.

That's when his eyelids moved briefly, slowly opening his eyes he stared blankly at her. He had forgotten her, himself and everything he had known. His eyes were hollow with no knowledge of his own being.

She hoped and prayed that he would be okay, but in this condition ?
He drew closer to her and with the awfully faint voice he could manage to bring out he whispered, "I don't know you, but you have pretty eyes."

Monday, 26 August 2013

Two souls...

There was a look in her eyes. Something so sad, so overpowering. It was almost as if you could see her whole soul reflected in them. Every single mistake.

Those eyes that once shone brighter than daylight had now gone dull. She didn't mean to but she had to. Goodbyes always killed her and this was bidding farewell to the one person that meant more than anything else. This was farewell to the person who, amidst all the chaos, knew her, understood her. This was adieu to the one person who loved her more than anything else, more than anyone else.

She just stood there in silence, telling a hundred words, but saying nothing at all. Just standing there in the numbness waiting for the seconds to either stand still or pass by so fast that it felt unreal. But nothing was unreal. It was happening and she was causing it. There was not a single soul who knew the reason why she did it, she just did.

That face that once had the most divine halo had gone blank now. She did say goodbye but in a way as if she didn't want to, she didn't mean to. She looked away for she couldn't bear to see the pain she had caused. No one saw this coming, not even her. Everything was fine a few hours ago and now, it was all like a crumbling house of cards that had lost its balance and there was absolutely nothing that could stop it from falling down, piece after piece.

There was no one around and no one ever knew. There were only questions that still remain unanswered for there can be no answer to this. It was always meant to be, it was special and it was strong and they both thought nothing could go wrong. Unpredictability is what makes life so intriguing. It's what keeps us flowing through the motions, making us human.

We all wish for hindsight, and the ability to un-do the moments that crack us up, bring out the worst in us but alas! Nothing ever is picture perfect but that does not mean there can be no perfection.

The rest of the journey was going to be lonely. With overwhelmingly strong regrets. But with the hope that maybe one day, somewhere, somehow, she will be forgiven. She will be loved again.

But right now, she just stood there. Waiting. Regretting. She meant to mend and secure her own heart.
But she ended up breaking two souls. 

Friday, 9 August 2013

Picture abhi baki hai mere dost ... ;)

So, I have been thinking for the past couple of days about about break ups. From the mere word itself, it sounds sad. I mean anything breaking cannot usually mean something good, and specially when it is that special bond you had with the one person who was your sunshine.

A very frequently asked question that I have come across is "why does it hurt so bad?" and I have always remained muffled about this.

It's almost unbelievable how one person can just randomly come in the big picture and affect you and every aspect of you so much that when they are suddenly missing from the picture, you  just don't know what to do! You are so lost and confused and angry and hazed up that even doing simple things like distracting yourself starts to feel like a burden. The only thing that your brain focuses on is the past; and not just any time of the past, just those specific times with that specific someone. And it is honestly admirable how we remember even the  tiniest of detail and also it is shocking how these very tiny details leave the deepest scars. 

People who have, unfortunately, gone through with this might agree with me when I say, the first 3 months are the toughest. They break you into a million pieces again and again and no matter what you do or which song you listen to or where you go, it's like a continuous slide show presentation inside your head all the time. The worst part, there is no stop or pause button, let alone a cancel button. Truth be told, that is needed. Because that emptiness, that void, can only be filled by remnants and broken memories of the person that once filled it, saturated it with such joy that some days felt as good as a dream, a thought from which you never wanted to come out. It comes to such a state that you are almost ready to give up anything and everything to go back to that one day that changed you, so that you can change it. But you can't. And at the end of the day, that remains the reality.

You go back in your head to that last day, to that last minute, to that last second, and replay that last happy moment again and again and again, freeze that moment forever because the moments from then on are the nightmares you never wanted to come true but somehow which did. You question yourself if it was even in the slightest way your fault and after few months, you finally start to realize, your fault or not, what happened has happened, there is no way you can go back for it.

When someone starts to mean more than the world to you and when you start loving someone more than your own heartbeat, there remains constant fear of loss. It's good to be scared; it shows you have something very precious to lose. But when heartbreaks do happen, the only fear you have is of somehow forgetting the person behind all those memories you hold on to. The mere thought of letting go seems so scary that you decide to hold on, no matter how much it scars you. But the brain is an amazing thing, it knows when to remember what and when to move things to the sub-conscience. Those broken picture in your head that keep on coming back to you, in flashes and sometimes even like a constant wave, start to slowly fade away. It takes time, surely, but it does happen. Memories fade, they don't get deleted, instead they just move to your sub-conscience. 

The first and foremost thing you do is forgive the person and then forgive yourself. Know that trying to pin the blame on each other is never really going to get you anywhere. So you smile, be the bigger person and let the regrets go. Hold on to the happy memories because even through the roughest patch, they make you smile, give you hope, show you every cloud has a silver lining and finally you start to put back the pieces of your heart. It is magical how they come back together if you just give it a try.

Funnily, your playlist sees a drastic change, of course, through all these phases. From romantic and honestly cheesy tracks, to super slow tunes heartbreak tracks to moving on tracks, it survives all. And so do you. It's true, time is a fantastic healer. Trust it. It takes away but it gives more.

I am a really consistent believer in the saying that love only happens once, and if it somehow happens again, you are not lucky... you just didn't find love in the first place. Every person is going to find another person with whom they can just be at peace. With one look in their eye, can see their own soul reflected. With one touch can feel all worries drifting away. There can be only person with whom you can be in love with. Truly. Endlessly. Eternally. Beyond all worldly measures. Beyond everything and even beyond that. Where even words fall short. And with a silent whisper a million things can be said. Only one person, whom you will choose to love beyond all discrimination, criticism. For whom you will fight till your last breath. Someone you will protect and respect. Someone you can picture growing old together with. Someone for whom you are willing to wait for all eternity.

Someone you will love,
Now and Forever.


Saturday, 29 June 2013

Remembering those days ...

So, let me tell you, this isn't something that I wrote. I got it from a friend and thought it was definitely worth sharing. Hope you enjoy. :)

Waking down memory lane... Going back to the time when, 

Once choosing the color of a sketch pen was a tough task.

Occupying the window seat in the school bus was called obsession.

Getting a toffee as a birthday treat from a friend made our day. 

Being the first one to finish copying from the blackboard was the ultimate moment of pride.
Hiding the answers from a bench partner during exams was not called selfishness.

When homework was the only torture & finished it soon, so could get some extra time to play.

Early to bed, early to rise was life's mantra, but how we loved sleeping late and having some extra TV time!

Owning a cycle was like owning everything.

To look good was only to wear our fav dress frocks for girls n half pants for boys.

We didn't need FB or a phone to keep in touch!

We thought all elders are ideal, when Daddy was the only hero and Mom was the only Best friend."

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Those random thoughts that take over every inch of your brain sometimes...

So, don't you just love days when you can laze around and do nothing? Get up anytime you like and sleep anytime you want, without caring how many hours you stay awake? Think about circumstances you'll probably never ever face, think of the actions you might take if ever they happen. Or maybe go back to old conversations and think of really clever and witty answers you could have given instead of the dumb replies you actually gave. Imagine how the world would turn out to be if ever you got superpowers (I'd personally love to have the power of invisibility). Maybe even think about what you'd do if you ever won a huge amount of money in a lottery. Or maybe just turn your philosophical mode on and ponder over the deep things of life, ask those really mind-boggling, extremely philosophical questions about life and love and death and come up with really impressive answers and think "jeez, why didn't I ever think of that before? I'm a genius. I should become some famous person and start spreading these words of eternal wisdom around!" ... Or maybe just not worry about eating healthy or following any schedule about your calorie intakes, forget that the world exists and, you know, just laze around...

Ah, that is what I'd describe as heaven. Of course, my heaven would come fully equipped with a lot of other accessories; high calorie food (those are the tastiest, almost satanic if you ask me ;) ) drinks, especially coffee with whipped cream and ice-cream, tons and tons of chocolate,  a good movie collection, my playlist, episodes from my favorite shows and cartoons, a super comfortable bed and about 3 super soft pillows.

Yeah, these are the kind of thoughts you'll get when reality is kind of haunting you with exams knocking at the door and your enthusiasm to study level being absolutely 0. Also, when it's midnight and all your brain can think of is KFC and McDonald's and Cafe Coffee Day and Pizza Hut and every other luring eat-outs there is. Call me a pig but I bet that happens to everyone once in a while and honestly, I think it's healthy. At least it proves that you still have the capability to process the good stuff around you even when your head is super-saturated with bio-physics and chemistry or whatever serious thing it is that you spent your day doing!

Well, I'm going to go, sit up till as long as I can keep my eyes open and dream away about the tempting things that have already started to block up my thinking abilities.

Sunday, 23 June 2013

The beginning...

So, I'm not really much of a writer. As a matter of fact, I don't write at all, for the simple reason that I lose track easily. I start writing with some theme and by the time I finish it, it lands up in a whole different theme altogether. It's almost like google-ing gadgets. I mean, you start with looking at subtle things like maybe headphones and before you know it, you are scrolling through really high-end phones, priced so lavishly that you just scroll a few more times before you finally conclude that you have  gained enough knowledge about stuff you can never even think of buying. 

Well, as per the rules of being civilized go, before I start off with the most random blabbering, I ought to introduce myself.
My name is Irina but no, I am not Russian. I did try learning that language but I guess you can't pile on extra courses when you are doing your graduation under Calcutta University (no offense!). As of now, I am a normal teenager with the regular teenage confusions and blah blah blah, yeah you all know how it is. I am, uh, literally in love with snakes or any reptile as of that matter (yep, you read it right). I am a hardcore environmental science student and I do do my bit to make the Earth more green and more sustainable. In all honesty, I don't know what I am good at. I mean, I absolutely cannot sing (I get an ear-bleed hearing myself sing), I cannot dance (except for those rowdy street dances which every bengali can do), if i draw an apple, it looks more like some highly mutated rotten fruit instead, I click decent photos though, atleast worthy enough to be backed up in some folder which i hardly ever view and writing, well, you've already got an idea about how much I suck at this. So basically i'm yet to find that out, but I guess i'll get there sooner or later.

Simple, because I am jobless. Just kidding. But not entirely! I am blogging because right now even this seems better than studying, you know what they say, when you sit to study, even staring at the walls become interesting. Also because I think everyone should try their hand at everything 'cuz "frankly my dear", you never know. ;)